It’s your good friend Inter coach Roberto Mancini. Ya, you read that right.
I decided to come back to the old stomping ground after some time away from Italy, but I’m writing to you because I’m going to need your help if I’m going to make the good times once again roll at the Giuseppe Meazza.
Firstly I’m going to need you to bring me a defender… Or two.
And maybe a fullback too… Or two.
Look, it’s not that I don’t believe in the players I have. With time I’m confident I can get them to become a functional unit that doesn’t look like it’s going to concede whenever a team gets into our final third.
It’s just that I’m worried about Samir Handanovic. You know Samir, he’s the big gentle giant who has kept things in check back there for quite some time.
I don’t want to lose him next year, but given that he’s 30 and we keep falling behind in the race for the third and final Champions League spot, I’m worried he may ask to pursue his dreams elsewhere.
You can also bring me some wingers! This isn’t 2004 anymore so I’ve evolved from my former 4-3-1-2. I like to head on to the field with a 4-3-3 nowadays (while still rocking my club colour scarf!) so I need some players who can dribble and beat their marker.
I’ve heard that Alessio Cerci and Ezequiel Lavezzi are both desperate to come back home to Italy, and who could blame them? Even Premier League stars like Nemanja Vidic, Fernando Torres, Ashley Cole and Patrice Evra came to ply their trade in the peninsula last summer showing that Italy was is still the place to be.
(My new assistant Sylvinho keeps laughing and telling me to white out the word ‘was’. I don’t know why. I really wish I still had Sinisa here instead of him. I’m telling you, I’m going to make it like it was 2004 again!)
I’ve been told that I can’t just ask Mr. Erick Thohir to bring me Alessio and Ezequiel due to some sort of FFP, which I’m not too familiar with.
I had gotten quite used to just asking for players while with Manchester City, but since that won’t work here, I figured I would just ask you to ship them here to save me from having to play Dodo as a forward.
Lastly, protect Mateo Kovacic at all times. I mean when he wakes up, when he goes out to eat, when he takes a shower but most of all when he is on the pitch.
I need him if I’m going to have any chance of winning my 11th Coppa Italia. I think he can really be our knight in shining armour, so much so that I’m thinking of giving him freekick duties instead of Zdravko Kuzmanovic!
So that’s all for this year Santa. Help me out if you can, but if not don’t worry too much, everybody loves me around here. Might be something to do with the guy who was here before me!
Sincerely,
Mancio
P.S. Don’t fly over the Giuseppe Meazza on Christmas Eve. Fredy Guarin may be working on his shooting and nobody wants to see your sleigh get hit out of the sky! Stay safe!
