My name is Claudio Lotito, and I am currently the president of the Lazio football club in the Serie A, and as Christmas approaches we are in need of some presents to keep up our charge for a Champions League spot for next season. Currently third in Serie A, I’m not asking for anything huge, just a few gifts that will keep our run going.
Firstly, I’ve looked around for it everywhere but I can’t find it anywhere: maybe you can; an anti-aging potion for a couple of our senior stars. Veterans Stefano Mauri (six goals) and Miroslav Klose (three goals) are 34 and 36 years old respectively and have been invaluable to our cause this season, but can’t go on forever. If you could send us an anti-aging potion that keeps them from getting old, we could benefit from their continual output.
Next, a central defender! A serious injury ruled summer signing Santiago Gentiletti out for the season after only two games, and Lorik Cana, Michael Ciani and Diego Novaretti have all failed to convince that they deserve to partner Stefan De Vrij. The club has been linked with AZ Alkmaar’s Jeffrey Gouweleeuw and Parma’s Gabriel Paletta, and we’d gladly relish the arrival of either to shore up our defence.
A barbed wire fence would also be a great gift, as we try to ward off potential suitors. I know our form this season has led to some of our players interesting bigger clubs around Europe; but if we could stick a hazardous fence around our walls, then any potential parties will think twice about approaching our club. Midfielder Lucas Biglia has already had his head turned by Real Madrid, whilst captain Antonio Candreva has a new team interested in him every week, but we’d prefer to keep them and build around them.
Last but certainly not least, this might seem like a strange request for you, but if you could give some coal to youngsters Balde Keita and Ogenyi Onazi, that would be great. These kids were fantastic last year, but they’ve really suffered this year due to poor form and attitude problems. Maybe receiving such a deprived gift will motivate them to turn it around and contribute to our cause this season, as they did last year. And who knows, if they perform to their ability and change their attitude around, they may be in store for a more lucrative gift at this time next year.
In the dressing room at the Stadio Olimpico, you will find bruschetta and a bottle of Peroni, as well as a complimentary Lazio jersey and scarf that you can wear while you bring gifts to all the Lazio fans during Christmas Day.
Regards,
Claudio
