My name is Maurizio Zamparini and I am writing you from Palermo in Sicily, where we are set for a sunny Christmas at the football club I am in charge of. We have had a lovely year, winning Serie B during the summer, and I hope you could see it within you to give me some presents so that next year can be even better.
I’ve been a very good boy this year and haven’t sacked a single coach, even though my current man oversaw a run of defeats that made me give his predecessor the boot. Further evidence of my good behaviour can be seen in that I made Kyle Lafferty leave my club after I heard reports he was being a naughty boy with the local ladies. Your presents last year were so good, I didn’t want to increase the possibility of being on the naughty list again like Massimo Cellino must be.
Thank you again for the shooting boots you gave me last year. They came in really handy. First, I lent them to Abel Hernandez, but then when he moved to Hull, I passed them on to Paulo Dybala. Almost a whole year has gone by and they still work as well as ever. Who could ever doubt Santa Claus?
Having mentioned Paulo Dybala, this year I’d love to get some cotton wool to wrap him in between games. I’ve been lucky with my strikers recently, with Hernandez and Edinson Cavani before him, but Dybala looks very special indeed. So many people have compared him to Sergio Aguero that I get nervous he might start to get injured a lot. If I had some cotton wool, I would be able to prevent that. I’ve bought him a neck-brace myself, both for protection and to ensure his head doesn’t get turned.
I don’t know if I can ask for presents for someone else, but could you send the Iachini family a Portuguese dictionary? I’ve managed to bring in Joao Silva and Emerson recently, but my coach hasn’t been using them a lot. With one being Brazilian and one Portuguese, I know they both speak the same language, so I wonder if that’s the reason they’re not getting many games. I think both are very good players so I’d like to see them involved more.
If you follow the lights in the Madonie Mountains on Christmas Eve you will find our humble stadium. I’ll leave the floodlights on to guide the sleigh and some cassata out for you. I don’t know what reindeer eat, but we grow some lovely blood oranges nearby. On second thoughts, having such a red juice dripping from their mouths might scare the children, so I’ll stick to milk.
Thanks again for your presents last year; to me, at times it has felt all my Christmasses came at once. I’m particularly keen on Enzo Maresca. He’s one of those that is so good, I didn’t realise I needed him before I unwrapped him. Another surprise like that would be lovely, too.
Yours Hopefully,
Zampa
