Dear Santa: A Christmas wishlist from Torino

Date: 24th December 2014 at 4:24pm
Written by:

Dear Santa,

Your old pal Giampiero Ventura, here. You know me… I’m one of the few Serie A coaches who could probably moonlight as you around shopping centres at this time of year.

And let’s face it, the way things are going, that might not be a bad career choice for me! But for now I’m writing for your help. I only want two things from you this year.

You see, we are in a bit of bother and currently sit 15th in Serie A but I’m sure you know all of that already. If “you see us when we are sleeping,” then I have no doubt you are an expert on calcio and are as frustrated as anyone with our struggles.

I only ask that while you are delivering presents to the children of Madrid and Dortmund, you pay a little visit to the houses of Alessio Cerci and Ciro Immobile respectively and load them on to your sleigh before returning them to me.

We are struggling without them and if you can guarantee me their safe return then there will be plenty of milk and cookies for you — if Amauri hasn’t gotten to them first. The man enjoys his grub.

However, if that is too much to ask, any striker will do with a decent Serie A pedigree — Giampaolo Pazzini, Antonio Cassano, even Sebastian Giovinco. I’m a man who has given the likes of Jonathas and Barreto starting spots in the Italian top flight so I’m not fussy when it comes to forwards!

Next, I need you to find us a book or video on “How To Take The Perfect Penalty.” Fabio Quagliarella, Omar El Kaddouri and Juan Sanchez Mino, there are plenty of lads in our squad who will need a few helpful tips on this.

On the other hand, for Matteo Darmian, I would greatly appreciate it if you could bring me a baseball bat, machete, handgun or any kind of weapon please.

I hope not to have to use any of those but if a bigger club tries to come calling for Matteo, I shall be forced to use them because I don’t want to lose another star; we have one of the league’s best defenders but more importantly than that, one of the most consistent.

Lastly, I know you are a bringer of joy and happiness and I do feel bad for asking this but by any chance could you strike the Athletic Club first team squad down with a case of food poisoning ahead of our Europa League match?

You had better bring me all I’ve asked for too big chap because as my own fans (well, the club’s fans) will tell you, I am not a man to be messed with. See my Chris Benoit-style threats after the Juventus loss as proof.

Grazie,

Giampiero

 

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