If a similar scandal occurred in Italy, you could bet your bottom dollar that many familiar faces of calcio would be sweating over what their friends, colleagues and acquaintances may have said in their phone messages.
In this article I imagine what dirty secrets would be uncovered if La Gazzetta dello Sport or another newspaper hacked into the mobile phones of Serie A personalities. Please note: No Luciano Moggi jokes included.
Chat
Pierluigi Collina: new message
Ciao Luigi, Massimo from Inter here. Have you read what La Gazzetta has been saying about me? Awful, isn’t it? I’m telling you, we earned that 06 Scudetto. It’s not as if our team was undeserving of it. We had Zanetti and… Adriano… anyway, I’m boycotting La Gazzetta. Never liked it anyway. Can’t take a pink newspaper seriously. Say, Luigi, we play Milan on the 15th of January. Any chance we could have Nicola Rizzoli for that one? Grazie mille.
Simone Bentivoglio: new message
Hi Simone, it’s Daniele De Rossi. I’m really sorry about what happened in the disco last night. That’s twice I’ve caught you in the face now. I was trying to make it up to you for the first time but in retrospect the twist wasn’t the best dance to do. The same thing happened when I invited Brian McBride out. Anyway, let’s do it again sometime. Or maybe not.
Retail
Gökhan Inler: 2 new messages
Mario Balotelli: new message
Hi Mario, Calcio Megastore calling. You asked about the latest Milan football kit: it’s in stock now. Hope to hear from you soon.
Services
Kevin-Prince Boateng: new message
Hello Mr Boateng. I am from Stella Entertainment, a company specialising in wedding services based in Milan. It was brought to my attention that you are skilled in performing Michael Jackson’s dance routine. I would like to invite you to represent our company at an upcoming wedding. Our clients are huge Milan and Jackson fans and would be delighted to have you perform. They are particularly enthusiastic about Jackson’s post-1987 works. We would provide the white face paint, wig and novelty lips. I hope to hear from you soon.
Silvio Berlusconi: new message
Hey big boy, Letizia Lollipop here. I will be round at 8 in costume. Ciao for now!
Transfer dealings
Adriano Galliani: 2 new messages
Javier Pastore: new message
Javier, where did it go wrong between us? You can’t leave. I’ve valued your right foot alone at €30 million. That’s not a joke – I really would sell it. If you can’t play for us, I don’t want you to play for anyone else either. Don’t think I didn’t notice the longing glances at Barcelona replica shirts when we went shopping. It hurt me but I tried to ignore it because I thought we’d be together forever. You always were spoilt. You’d scrounge meals off me, then high-tail it to some nightclub. I must buy a new hairdryer this evening; hopefully the shops will still be open. Where was I? Oh yes. You can leave if you want. To Spain, to England, even somewhere else in Italy. But there’ll always be a place for you here. You’ve never asked for much. Must go now, please think it through. Ciao ciao.
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