My name is Domenico Di Carlo and I am have been named the newly appointed coach at Associazione Calcio Cesena, after the recent ousting of former manager Pierpaolo Bisoli. I am in charge of a team that gained promotion to Italy’s top flight in the Serie A back in June, but for whatever reason since competing with Italy’s elite things have not gone according to plan and we are sitting in the drop zone.
The team has been really nice to all the other clubs as they have taken points off us, so now it is Cesena’s turn to have some luck and take points off everyone else. We have not won a match since the opening day of the season and have only drawn two games in the last two months and that is why we am only on 8 points for the campaign. I am not asking for much but could you please get us out of relegation by listening to my wishes.
I need a massive favour this time around in order for the team to remain in the Serie A. In the upcoming January transfer window I would like a prolific striker that can score lots of goals, so I can climb up the table and get out of the relegation zone. Portuguese striker Hugo Almeida has not scored a goal yet for the club and we are really lacking an out-and-out forward to stick the ball in the back-of-the-net.
I hope this is not perceived as unrealistic but perhaps you could give us a money making machine so we could compete with the giants of European football and maybe attract some world class players. If we had a lot of capital maybe someone like Cristiano Ronaldo or Andrea Pirlo may swap their respective clubs for the Cavallucci Marini if we offer them the right money. That would be a great gift!
We are currently sitting precariously in 19th in the league standings which is a real worry so I need your help. This is why I also desire a strong and powerful defender to add resoluteness and stability to a wretched defence. No one is really interested in moving to the club because we have been mediocre this season, therefore we are finding it hard to attract reinforcements.
One final request. If you have enough room in your sleigh could you deliver some bricks and cement so we can build a brick wall in front of the goalkeeper to stop leaking goals as well? Our goalkeeper Nicola Leali will be over the moon when he realises the news.
Please also give my love to Mrs. Claus and the diligent elves. I hope they are working tirelessly to fulfil my wishes. When you visit the Stadio Dino Manuzzi you will be invited to take some of the famous Parmigiano-Reggiano synonymous with the Emilia-Romagna region as well as a free Cesena jersey and scarf. I hope it is not too much to ask and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.